Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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