You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
