I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
