Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
