Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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