Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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