I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize