Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
