so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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