im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
