At least make sure they are 18
Why
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
