She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
