What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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