Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
