whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
