its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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