I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
