there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
