Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
