I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize