I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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