She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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