I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
