we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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