yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
