i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
