You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
