Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
