there's paper in my vomit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
