stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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