Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
