I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
