Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
