i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
