ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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