I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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