So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love you.
Bad choice
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
