I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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