Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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