3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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