I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
