I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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