this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
