dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
