i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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