Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
