do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
