She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
