last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
