You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
