a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
