does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
