New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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