dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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