Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
