grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize