why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
