I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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