her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
