a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
