My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
NoShamevember. You game?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
