I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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