Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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