I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
