LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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