Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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